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December 24, 2007

Ben Stein on Christmas

A couple years ago, Ben Stein made an appearance on CBS Sunday Morning News and did what he does best. Having seen him speak a few weeks ago, I'm fairly convinced that a more common-sense conservative (or person, really) does not exist.

"Here at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart. I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are.

I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I'm buying my dog biscuits. I still don't know. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores who they are. They don't know who Nick and Jessica are, either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they've broken up? Why are they so darned important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I don't care at all about Tom Cruise's baby. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I'm a subversive? Maybe. But I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young? Hmm, not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautifully lit-up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees.I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are — Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they're slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. I shows that we're all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year.

It doesn't bother me one bit that there's a manger scene on display at a key intersection at my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too. I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and aren't allowed to worship God as we understand him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we used to know went to."

August 23, 2006

The First Day

"In October, I'm going to be in Philadelphia with 7,000 of my peers at the American Politcal Science Convention. That also happens to be the weekend where all of the prostitutes in Philadelphia take their vacations."
Professor Jeff Mondak

"Our persuasive speaking class requires overheads, yet does not allow powerpoint. The reason: too much goes wrong with technology. Ugh."
Me to Shaun, Greg, Mike, and Scott via text message

"Pour alcohol over the transparency and proclaim, 'Science!'"
Scott in response

August 19, 2006

Birthday Quotes

"That's a good idea. The only thing I could hold in my lap right now is sober."
-Me to Mike Halbrook at Fast Eddie's

August 5, 2006

Thomas Paine

To kick off the newest category on my blog, I have selected this quote from Thomas Paine:

"I would gladly agree with all the world to lay aside the use of arms, and settle matters by negotiation; but unless the whole world will, the matter ends, and I take up my musket."