O'Guinnicus.com

My good buddy Alan and I decided that neither of us were too terribly interested in watching the forgone conclusion that is this year's Super Bowl for its sporting aspects, and have instead decided to liveblog about its commercials. We'll be getting blitzed on Point Amber Beer (the choice of professionals), so expect the entries to get progressively less coherent/frequent. Stick around for updates.

5:36 p.m.
Bud Light's fire breathing commercial came on. Kind of funny. Got a buzzed giggle out of me, but Alan is refraining since the agency he's applied for has the Miller account.

Audi's Godfather inspired commercial prompted Alan to declare that he has a "semi", which I can only assume refers to erections, which thoroughly creeps me out.

5:42 p.m.
Eli Manning has decided he is, in fact, an NFL quarterback, and has assembled what looks to be a scoring drive. This is a shock.

5:45 p.m.
Really? The Night At The Roxbury theme? What is this, 1997? Alan and I don't approve of a worn out meme for a bad campaign. We don't want to wake up, Pepsi. We don't want your terrible product. Red Bull does what we need it to do, and their commercials don't have Chris Kattan.

5:48 p.m.
Another Bud Light commercial. Guys sneaking things in to a party concealed in cheese and chablis. Yawn. Yeah, we get it. Guys like beer.

5:49 p.m.
The Under Armour commercial wanted to be Apple's 1984 commercial, but didn't have the stones. I doubt anyone will be talking about this after... now.

By the way, what happened to when stars on the team would introduce the defensive and offensive lines? The lineup just scrolls on the bottom now like the stock exchange. I guess Fox thinks we need to hear more of Troy Aikman.

5:52 p.m.
Fox just reminded us to log onto MySpace to watch the commercials we've missed. Alan says, "No thanks, MySpace.com." But seriously, who goes to MySpace any more?

5:59 p.m.
The Bridgestone commercial started off like a Geico commercial I had seen years ago, then got kind of funny, but ultimately sucked. We lost interest somewhere between the squirrel living and the end.

And Alan doesn't like having to read during a Super Bowl Commercial. This commercial for the Doritos and iTunes marriage blows. We also think the pairing is quite odd, and probably shouldn't have happened
More to come as the commercials progress.

I'm really sick of American Idol. Who's with me? I know ratings are down, so it's justified, but damn.

6:03 p.m.
Derek Jeter walking through the street, blah blah blah. Is anybody else tired of seeing Peyton do commercials?

GoDaddy's commercial to generate web traffic isn't working for me. I'd rather see Danica Patrick right now instead of having to navigate to your page. Thanks.

Dell's product Red commercial seemed interesting for the 15 seconds it was on, but like Alan says, "Such a cool commercial for such an inferior product".

6:05 p.m.
FedEx delivers in a big way with the carrier pigeons wreaking havoc on the city. Alan and I agree that it's the best so far. Not ground breaking, but pretty funny.

Death Match Cars.com, got a chortle, but nothing to write home about.

Tide's My Talking Stain seems pointless, too. I don't want to visit your website. I'm sorry. Compel me to go there. Give me an incentive.

As a side note, where did Eli Manning come from? Give him better play clock management, and he might be an actual big-boy quarterback. Wait. As I write this, he throws an interception. Hold the Eli train.

6:14 p.m.
Budweiser uses the under-played Rocky Montage theme for poor Hank the horse. This will probably play to the "Nickelback" demographic. In other words, I didn't like it, but smart choice by Budweiser. Also, Iron Man looks cool, and I don't care what you say.

6:19 p.m.
The best thing about the Garmin commercial was Napoleon's tiny horse. This Super Bowl has lacked awesome commercials thus far. Wow us, ad agencies. Wow us.

6:23 p.m.
Although I liked CareerBuilder's commercial, Alan's only comment was "CRT monitors? Is this the 1996 Super Bowl?" Neither one of us thought the Thriller Life Water commercial was even mildly entertaining. Companies: cute animals are no longer funny. Maybe try people getting hurt again.

6:29 p.m.
Oh, Carlos Mencia, why do you still have a job? Budweiser: please do not encourage Carlos Mencia.

6:39 p.m.
The Planters commercial with that hosebeast causing a ruckus was pretty hilarious, especially the cleavage shot. Good job, planters.

The T-Mobile fave five thing wasn't bad, either.

6:42 p.m.
Please get hit by a car, Justin Timberlake. Nope. Drown? Nope. It started off well because I thought he was going to die, and then it got lame because he lived. Oh well. Pepsi, you've failed me twice. Please go consult with Planters.

Oh, and Doritos, you've been ignored all night.

7:30 p.m.
And we're back. Thank you, racist pandas, for making the best unintentionally funny commercial in history.

Oh, and Shaq riding a horse for the win. I love Vitamin Water commercials.
More to come as the night moves on.

7:37p.m.
The Bud Light commercials have been extremely disappointing this year, but the caveman one had a redeeming second or two at the end with the bottle opener.

CareerBuilder's second was pretty good. Take a hint, Bridgestone. Cute animals getting eaten are way more funny than cute animals that live.

7:52 p.m.
And the Bud Light miss parade marches on. Gift of flight, not funny. Sorry, Bud Light.

8:02 p.m.
The NFL kind of saves part of the day with their Chester Pitts commercial. Cute.com, as Alan would say. I don't know what that means, but it sounded funny.

The new Coke commercial wasn't too bad, although a nice twist would have been if the monster from Cloverfield had gotten the Coke bottle in the end. Who cares about Charlie Brown anymore?

8:12 p.m.
James Carville and Bill Frist sharing a day on the town is an awesome commercial. I'm a little surprised Frist was down for it, but I'm glad he was. Coke is coming in as the darkhorse to win this year's "Most Consistently Interesting Commercial" award.

8:27 p.m.
Bud Light finally throws a strike with the new Will Ferrel movie promo. Semi-pro looks decent, to say the least, and any commercial that ends with "suck one" is at least mentionable in my book.